• Elyse Machel

Have Me at Hello

Being in the business of pleasure is beautiful and excitingly taboo. I'm so blessed to meet some of the most beautiful hearts and brilliant minds I've ever come across. Some suitors stumble across my website, or various other ads strewn across the internet, and immediately reach out to say hello. Others prefer a slow burn, returning to my site time and again, keeping me in their minds until the moment is just right. I adore both equally. I've observed, though, that in both cases it can feel a bit intimidating to reach out to someone new so I figured I'd make a little introduction guide aka Etiquette for Impressing Elyse.

Before we get into how to get into my good books, here's a reminder that I do not discriminate based on race and ethnic background, religious affiliation, formal education, sexual orientation, ability (I encourage you to let me know how best I can make accommodations to make you feel as safe and comfortable as possible), marital status etc etc. It's a shame that this must even be said in 2019 the Year of Our Lord & Saviour Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter. All I care about is that you are kind, considerate, and respect my time. Without further ado, here's how to get into my good graces.


1. RELAX: I understand you're nervous but I promise I only bite when asked. Strangers are just friends you haven't met yet. Write to me as you would an old friend.

2. Begin with WHO: Any good introduction begins with who you are. What's your name and phone number? Don't worry, I seldom call and if I do, it's always with explicit consent from you. I will need to verify your identity and good ol' LinkedIn (or your work email) is fabulous for that.

3. Tell me WHEN & WHERE: Are we meeting on a bright Tuesday afternoon or a romantic Sunday evening? Your place or mine? A date, time, and location is key because it shows you're decisive and like to think ahead (as a good lover ought to).

4. And FOR HOW LONG then, darling: Do you want me for a delicious dinner, a lunchbreak romp, or a blissful weekend getaway? Be sure to mention the duration of our date. If you'd like me to keep in mind the possibility of an extension, let me know that, too.

5. TELL ME ABOUT YOU: I want to get to know you better. I thoroughly enjoy introductions that let me know more about the person behind the screen. What brings you joy? What's the last thing you saw that made you change your mind about something (life, yourself, someone else)? What's a small and trivial thing you're proud of? Can you cook well? etc. Brag about yourself a little.


6. RECOMMENDATIONS: Got a lover willing to put in a good word for you? I'd like to hear about that! Although I don't require a reference for screening, it's always lovely to hear about well-behaved, thoughtful clients from others. It never hurts to have glowing recommendations from industry colleagues.

That's it. It can be two paragraphs long or a few sentences. What's important is the content and not the length.

I can't wait to hear from you!



P.S. Here's a template to help you along because I am a generous and benevolent goddess who enjoys making things simple.

Hi Elyse,

My name is [insert name here] and I am [insert fun facts here].

I want to see you on [insert date here] at [insert time and place here] for [insert duration here]. You can find me on [insert verification information here]. OPTIONAL: I've seen [insert colleague here] who can give you a reference for me.


[insert name here]